they need to just BURY HIM!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
