that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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