is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
