Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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