i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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