Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the day after is always just damage control
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
