Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
