Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
