My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
