You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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