she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
