I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
