1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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