I'm going to jail i love you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
