you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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