she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize