The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
