Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
