all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
