I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
