Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
youre lurking in front of me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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