Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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