jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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