omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's never too late to be topless.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
