I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
