i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
