I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize