i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
