Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
