she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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