Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
