my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
