Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
