btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
