I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
