he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
