Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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