I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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