I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
