What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
