i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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