i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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