Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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