Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
