there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
