the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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