Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
