Umm I'm too high to move.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
