WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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