someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
