I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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