I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
