Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize