You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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