Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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