wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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