dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
