You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
