Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
