For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
