you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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