I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
