My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
