you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize