it was like his penis was on wheels.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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