just come out here and I will go home with you...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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