Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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