I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
