When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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