I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
