Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
