How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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