You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
