remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Say something about gay babies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
