I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
