i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize