so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
