I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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