i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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