I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You made out with two different species that night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
