I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
