No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
