My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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