White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
