Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize