I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
