Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
