im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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