He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
