Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
