You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize