Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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