Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
