Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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