I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
