So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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