I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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