i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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