i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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