the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
