dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Randomize
